It's been a while since I wrote here. I'm never sure why writing something in this space does not come naturally. Certainly I write a ton elsewhere. Anyway. Maybe today is the day.

Much anxiety today about whether or not my aiming at the good is enough, particularly when it comes to my children's upbringing. Or maybe I mean their education. It's all kind of the same thing. I have friends with kids of similar age--Topaz just turned four and Philip is not quite two--who are very serious about their kids' education already. This is not to say I haven't taken it seriously. I have been reading every education book I possibly have time for, since I was pregnant way back when. I have made plans, I have weighed different approaches. And then our reality is still just a lot of what sometimes feels like nothing.

Am I doing enough? What is really appropriate for them right now? If I should be doing more, what should it be? Are they going to grow up ignorant and stunted because during their formative years I slacked on messy craft projects and didn't take them to museums?

To be perfectly honest, I really think I'm doing everything just fine. But it's impossible for me not to always be on the lookout for someone doing it all better. Or maybe not even better, necessarily, but just MORE.

Our household is a bit crazy sometimes, a bit all over the place. Jake and I have always been spontaneous, get an idea and do it, plan but then follow a shiny distraction. It has worked well enough for us, and we've had many a fun road trip out of it. But sometimes I wonder if our kids suffer from our lack of an official Plan. We're more the sort to say...I had planned X for today, but I really feel like doing Y instead, let's do Y! And we all sort of follow our whims. When I write up a plan and enforce it rigidly, we're all unhappy. So we float around a lot.

This is not to say we have NO rhythm in our home. We do a lot of the same things on a daily basis, and the kids generally know what's expected of them. Bedtime has gotten a lot easier lately, as have mealtimes. But most of the time, I let the kids pursue their interests and play all day. Sometimes they play together, sometimes they do their own things, sometimes they come to me and we all play. In the midst of all this, I do my housework and knitting and stare out the window thinking. They have tremendous freedom, a lovely assortment of stimulating open-ended toys to be creative with, books all over, art supplies, and a big backyard. I don't ask them to sit down so I can teach them something, we don't have regularly scheduled lessons or reading times. It all just happens on its own. If either of them wants a book read, they bring it to me and I oblige. The book will often lead to questions about things, which will often lead to Topaz being caught up on some new subject, which we will pursue in any number of ways, from loading up at the library, to craft projects, to looking up videos on YouTube. But mostly we talk. Certainly no one can ever accuse me of not talking to my kids!

I've gotten a bit of pressure to put the kids in preschool, but in all honesty, I think that's absurd. I'm a stay at home mom. It was a conscious choice, and I am here because I want to be and because I think it's best for the kids. We have chosen to homeschool, but even so, I don't feel like we have any need for a more formal structure than what we have now. My kids have total access to me--and with Jake working from home now, more access to him too--they get a ton of love and attention, they get all their questions answered, they learn a lot by watching me go about my housework all day, and they get out and play with other kids on a regular basis. What more do they need? And more specifically, what more could an preschool program offer that tops that?

And so, yet again I have concluded that while, yes, many other moms with children my age are going over and above and occasionally causing me to question what seems like my "doing nothing," things are going very well over here and it's not an accident. I think a lot of us have a tendency to find the best and brightest blogs on the internet, and declare them to be normal. And to this, I say, please, let's not set ourselves up for failure! I don't spend a lot of time here writing about exciting things we're doing, because I'm too busy doing them. And even when we DO do something really cool, I question my urge to go blog about it because sometimes I feel like I'm simply looking for someone to pat me on the back and say, wow, you're sooo much better at this parenting thing than I am. The truth is, anyone who spends a lot of time fretting over what is best for their children, and then spending time working on it, is probably getting an awful lot right. So I will finish up by encouraging my fellow moms to relax, pay attention to your kids, and stop worrying that every other mom is doing a better job than you. We all have our challenges, we all do our best, and it's not a contest. So. Back to doing nothing.

(As seen on the kitchen wall while I was cooking on Thanksgiving)

A day in the life, lessons learned, and school talk

This week Topaz has amazed me. For quite a while now, our little girl-who-will-eat-anything morphed into girl-who-will-turn-her-nose-up-at-anything. I've tried every trick to get her to go back to loving broccoli, coerced her into eating fish, everything short of all-out lie to her or hold her nose and shoved food in her mouth. She is a stubborn little lady, and her will does not easily bend. No idea where she got that from. But this week, she has surprised me. I steamed some broccoli and served it to her, expecting the usual exclamations of ICK and NO THANKS. And she ate it. I'll repeat that. SHE ATE IT. And asked for more. And last night. I gave her a bite of salmon, fully expecting total rejection as usual, and she ate bite after bite of it.  

Naturally I had to inquire as to the sudden change of taste.  

"Well," she says, "I was just taking a BREAK from broccoli and salmon. I like them now." A break. And I realized where she'd gotten that idea and felt rather tickled that I had, out of desperation, finally done the right thing. A month or two ago, I gave up hassling her about food, and told her that when she was really little, she used to LOVE broccoli and salmon, and a whole bunch of other things she doesn't like anymore. I explained that it's okay if she wanted to take a little break from those things and try something different, and I've noticed that four-year-olds tend to start liking those old things again, since they're so close to grown up. (As if I have ever observed any four-year-old ever.) I guess she must have taken it to heart, because lately she is all about being grown up and thinking about turning four.  

So there's a lesson here. Maybe a couple of lessons. I think I inadvertently gave Topaz permission to redefine herself, to rethink things and make new choices, and experiment. Maybe it was interesting to her, that she went from a person who DOESN'T like fish, to suddenly! one who does. How exciting! What else can change like that?? Maybe we all need that kind of permission sometimes, to break out of ruts and old habits and think about oneself in a different way.  

Philip of course, will eat anything you put in front of him, food or not. 

Lots going on over here. Still working on the garden a bit, though slacking off quite a lot. Maybe we'll get some food out of it, maybe not. We'll see. It's nice to look at, though, all those orderly beds lined with rocks...  

I've been working for a while on a schedule for me and the kids. Our days are all over the place, and I've wanted to introduce more structure. I think a certain amount of predictability would benefit all of us. It's a work in progress, and we'll see how we do, but I think it's pretty thorough and includes all the things I've wanted to find time for but never did. I've been working hard to designate a place for everything in our house, so now it's time to designate a TIME for everything. So many things get neglected or done in a hurry, and maybe now we'll be more organized and comfortable. Each day of the week is assigned a different chore or two, personal care tasks (one day I examine/trim the kids' nails, for example), activities, outings, etc. 

Yesterday was, among other things, baking day. So we looked through our available ingredients, looked through some cookbooks, and decided on a strawberry trifle from one of my favorite French cookbooks. I made a lot of substitutions and left out the spices and liqueurs, so it was terribly inauthentic, but the end result was nice, more like a strawberry shortcake kind of thing.  

Today I did a lot of mending and finishing of knitting projects. The little pants Philip wears (several of which Topie used to wear) occasionally wear thin in spots and need to be reinforced or patched. Since I'm relatively new to patching and mending large blocks of worn-out knitting, I started out kind of haphazardly stitching, and have progressed today, to more orderly and precise stitches. So. Very um...well-loved looking.  I'm still hoping to get another baby or two in those pants, so they have to last! But it was fun to practice a new skill and challenge myself.

Because Topaz is turning four this fall, we're giving more time to thinking out school. We knew a long time ago that we would homeschool our kids, and to an extent we have been from the beginning. Now, as part of our schedule and time organization, I am planning blocks of time dedicated to instruction of a very informal kind. We like a lot of the education ideas of the Waldorf philosophy, and I'm borrowing a lot from them. Also, some Montessori, and mostly just improvising. I mean, really, she's so young still, and I have never seen compelling evidence that hothousing kids makes them any better at anything. We feel very strongly that our kids should have a good amount of time in their very early childhood to play, explore, pretend, create, and just be kids, with no formal lessons or competitive environment. Each year from here on, I will be adding to our "curriculum" and following the kids' interests to a large extent. When Topaz is six or seven, based on how she's doing, we'll get more serious about things like reading and introducing real math concepts through things like knitting, and building on everything else she's already learned.  

Our kids are constantly being taught one thing or another, and our days are filled with drawing and painting and singing and baking (lots of measuring and dexterity practice), and lots of outdoor play, creative play and dress up, cooking at the play kitchen, building with blocks, and just exploring their environment, figuring out how things work. We read to the kids a lot, always have, and go to the library frequently, always bringing home way too many books covering all our respective interests. Right now Topaz is fascinated with Alaska, so we got her a book on that, and she just got a pet rabbit, so we got some books on that, etc. We also answer a lot of her questions by sitting down with the computer and looking up the answers. In my opinion, having all the answers is not the way to go--it's knowing how to GET the answers. This is something I focus on teaching the kids. We're also concerned with their moral education, and we have lengthy discussions, largely led by questions Topie asks, or things we observe with other people, or things we see in movies.  

Spraying soapy water on the rose bushes--aphid attack!

Little herbalist--sorting clover flowers from the yard

So, all things considered, our kids are absolutely being intensively educated, but not in a sit down and study kind of way. I'm also planning to make more playdates and possibly sign her up for an activity--she's vacillating between ballet and ice skating lessons. Social interaction is obviously very important, and we're not going to neglect that.  

Yesterday we were out for a walk in the park, and it quickly turned into a nature walk. Flowers were picked and closely examined, bugs were stared at, and little snails were picked up and carried. We had the opportunity for a quick discussion about right and wrong, in regards to Topaz wanting to hide the flowers she had picked because she believed she should not have picked them.  

And just for fun, when we got home I told her that in France, people eat snails that are much bigger than the ones she met in the park. I pulled out a cookbook and found pictures and recipes for snails, and she thought she would probably not care to try them.

A day of fail.

At dinner tonight, as I was carrying out three full bowls of pasta, and reflecting on how I would be such a great waitress (aim high, kids!), I got to the table, and suddenly one bowl slipped and dumped parmesan-sprinkled sauce all over my chair and the floor, and splattered on the wall and curtains. I stood there for a moment in stunned silence, trying to convince myself it was just a mess, I clean up messes all day every day. And out of the silence came the word I wanted to say, at the very least, from the little girl voice that never shuts up: CRAP. In that instant, I couldn't be upset, and her exclamation relieved the tension. Yes, little Topaz, crap indeed.  

Some disappointments today. That sweet little strawberry one day away from picking? Gone today, probably a nice lunch for one of the many squirrels who skip through the yard every day. The only thing I can think is GRR. And the little summer top I was knitting for Topie? Tried on still on the needles, and TOO SMALL. It would fit her for about thirty seconds. I am slightly heartbroken, as it is such gorgeous yarn and such a cute top. I even did a gauge swatch, which...I am not fond of doing. Now I need to find another little girl to wear it, or stash it away in the hopes that one day we'll have another little girl who will be the right size in the right season.  

And we had a lesson today, Topaz and I. last week we observed a man in a TruGreen truck dispensing something on the neighbor's grass. Of course, Topie and I were in an uproar, because chemicals, right? I confess to brainwashing my child against chemical fertilizers and she religiously avoids those little yellow poison flags that flit in the breeze in every other yard on our street. Going for walks is interesting, and she never fails to point out with disdain and confusion that those people have sprayed poison in their grass. So today, we were getting ready to get in the car, and the neighbor was out also. Topaz marched over in her pint-sized attack mode, and demanded to know why she had put chemicals in her grass. The neighbor said she hadn't, and I explained to her (slightly embarrassed, slightly proud) that we had seen the man pushing the little spreader cart the other day. Se assured us, no, it was just lime. And all at once I felt a number of emotions: guilt, embarrassment, and especially stupidity, as I explained to Topaz that lime was like a multivitamin for the grass and wasn't a pesticide or chemical fertilizer like we'd thought. I realized then that I needed to teach my children not to jump to conclusions, not to assume the worst about people, and not to throw around accusations without foundation. I felt humbled, and I felt concern that I was sending Topaz mixed messages. So we've talked about it some, and I will be paying more attention to my casually thrown out judgments. Ask first, shoot later!  

Pictures tomorrow.

Weekend stuff

It's been a good weekend.  We've had an interesting variety of activities to keep us all occupied, some productive and some restful.  Lots of gardening has happened, and we're a lot closer to done.  Jake put up bamboo teepees for the pole beans, planted potatoes in burlap sacks, and prepared more beds.  I stuck some plants in the ground and made more plans.  Still waiting for some tiny seedlings to grow a bit before planting, and trying to find that bunch of seed packets I lost immediately after they arrived in the mail.  No maxibel beans!  No melon-I-can't-remember-the-name-of!  Oh well.  Maybe they'll turn up for next year.  As consolation, we have strawberries!  Ready to pick very soon.

Probably the bit of our yard that makes me the happiest is the mint patch.  It started with a few little plants from the farmers market a summer or two ago, and is very eagerly trying to take over the yard.  Some gardeners complain about this, and offer warnings to contain that mint or you'll be sorry!  but not me, I want it to spread everywhere.  I want my every step to crush a bit of mint and give me that uplifting burst of scent...

The kids roamed the backyard while we were working, finding little hiding places and piles to climb.  I've been thinking about ways to make the yard fun for the kids, without spending money.  Places for Play Exhibition  So inspiring, full of great ideas we want to incorporate into our kids' outdoor space.  We're trying to avoid plastic as much as possible, and pretty much all the outdoor toys we've looked at have been plastic.  Finally we realized, why buy anything at all?  We're creative people, we can come up with something better on our own.  So this week, one of my projects will be to work with the kids to assemble materials for free or cheap (hoping craigslist is good to us!) and construct play areas and just let them run wild.  This is pretty much the way I spent my own childhood, outside all the time, playing with whatever I could come up with.  

During the hotter parts of the day, we left the garden and found indoor projects.  A couple of months ago we got it in our heads that we should buy a raw wool fleece and figure out what to do with it.  Jake just got me a spinning wheel for Mothers' Day, so it wasn't completely a random thing to do.  So we bought a beautiful black and brown Jacob cross fleece, maybe 5 pounds.  A lot of online reading helped me get the thing washed and dried, and it's been sitting there waiting for me to actually DO something with it.  So this weekend we pulled it out, and while Philip had a nap, Jake, Topaz and I  worked together, assembly-line style, with Jake and Topaz carding it and passing bits off to me to spin.  We worked quite efficiently and I filled about half a bobbin.  And then Philip woke up and of course that was over.   But we had lots of fun and enjoyed working together and trying new things.   The best part was obviously that we all smelled like sheep at the end of it.

Today I've had that baking urge, and made some oat/flax/blueberry banana muffins.  I used this recipe, and they turned out GREAT.  Definitely putting this on our list.  My goal is to make muffins throughout the week so Jake will have something healthy to take to work, and when the kids and I are out running errands, we'll have muffins instead of being tempted to stop someplace. Also, we still have some frozen blueberries from last summer's picking to use up, and muffins are a good way to do that.

And in my idle moments, I worked on an organic cotton sweater for Philip, but then got bored with it and started a summery top for Topaz.  I'm using o-wool, which is organic cotton and wool.  She's already told me it's too itchy and she won't wear it, and I've told her she'll wear it and like it.  So there.

The weekend is ending with Jake and Topaz playing a rousing game of 20 Questions.  I have no idea who is winning.

And now I leave you with a happy image:  dirty little baby feet, collapsed after a full day of playing outside.  Everything seems as it should.

Growing things

In upstate New York, seasons are a bit uncertain.  One day might be in the 90s, the next night we'll have a frost warning.  All this makes life very exciting, especially as we tend not to be overly  concerned with checking the forecast.  Most of the time we are surprised, either pleasantly or not, by what the day brings.  While those around us are making plans according to the anticipated weather, we're winging it.  Which is generally how we do most things.

Gardening is challenging when you don't know what to put in the ground when.  This generally results in us having a later-than-we-should've garden, along with fears that we won't have one at all. This year has been no different, and there are several seed trays on the back porch, planted on different days, wondering if they'll ever make it to the garden.  Some have so far, and we've done some cheating, buying established seedlings from the farmers market.  We've put in a lot of hours in the garden, expanding it considerably this year, preparing beds for planting, and making borders out of all the huge rocks that come out of the ground.  So far we have many kinds of tomatoes planted, along with some new additions to the herb garden, and okra, zucchini, cucumbers, peas and sunflowers. 

Yes, we're behind.  But still steadily working and planting more every day.  This weekend we might even be done.  Still to go are yellow squash, watermelon and pumpkin, butternut squash, green beans, purple beans, broccoli and cauliflower and potatoes...  We also have galvanized tubs filled with lettuces and salad mixes, mache, carrots and beets and radishes.  With the strawberries and other berries and fruit trees scattered here and there, things are growing everywhere.  It's nice to be surrounded by good healthy food.

I've been reading books on gardening for kids lately, and getting all kinds of great ideas.  Roots, Shoots, Buckets and Boots is my current favorite.  So much fun stuff to get the kids involved and interested.  Topaz has helped a lot collecting rocks for the rock borders, but aside from that we're reminding her about the story of the little red hen who found the grains of wheat.  Threats that she won't be getting any tomatoes out of the garden make her jump for sure!

By the time we're harvesting pumpkins and squash, Topaz will be just about to turn 4.  Philip will be running and who knows what else might be going on.  Gardening turns my thoughts to the future, and I find myself measuring the passage of time by the plants.

Yay, a real live blog, finally

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Yay, a real live blog, finally

It's about time!  I've had a livejournal for a long time, but I've never done a public blog, and I'm excited to finally have one.  This seems like the time to start one, while the kids are little and there's so much worth documenting, so much I want to remember.  Also, since I frequently use my livejournal for ranting and complaining, I'm designating this space to giving the joyful moments of my life a place.  

Where we are right now in life...

I'm 29 years old, living in Upstate New York with my husband, Jake, and two kids Topaz (4 in November) and Philip (14 months).  We live in suburbia technically, but we're surrounded by farms and open space, and beautiful scenery everywhere.  Jake is a computer programmer and does the 9-5 thing, or his personal interpretation of that, which is more often 10-7.  We try to live a low-key and  healthy life, and we're very much family-oriented.  We care about supporting local organic farms and we try to be as green as possible.  Our parenting approach tends toward attachment parenting, and we have chosen to clothdiaper, breastfeed, babywear, homeschool, and homebirth.  I expect to touch on all those in the course of this blog, as they are all very much a part of our everyday life.  We plan to have more kids--Jake says 4 more, I say let's wait and see.  

My family are all in Texas, and the only close family we have locally is Jake's mom, who lives a couple of blocks away from us and whom we see frequently.   She is moving to Florida within the next couple of months.

I cook a lot, and knit a lot, recently got my first spinning wheel, and spend a huge amount of time with the kids, doing kid things.  I love to bake.   I'm thrilled to be in farmers market season--gorgeous fresh produce every weekend.  It's a wonderful time of year to live in this part of the country, as everything is green and lush and beautiful.   I can't imagine ever leaving this area at this time of year.

More to come soon, with pictures!