Aiming at the Good

Natural medicine

2012-02-10T09:19:00.000-08:00

This is our first winter in Oregon, and man, have we been sick a lot. A LOT. We are really not used to this, at all. Our lovely ND assures me that everyone is sick a lot their first year in this wet climate. We're coming up on a year in June, so I'm hoping that is a very true statement.

So far, we have enjoyed coughs, colds, endless runny noses, many fevers, rubella, roseola, and most recently, earaches. We have gotten about five hours of sleep so far this year, in case you were wondering. The thing about having three kids, is that there are SIX EARS to potentially hurt, there are THREE NOSES that keep somehow getting wiped ON ME, and there are three coughs, echoing through the night, to reverberate through my "sleep." I have always tried to teach my kids to share, but ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Please, children, be stingy with your illnesses.

Another fun aspect of this is that all the activities and classes we have signed up for (and paid for!) are getting missed. Like, weekly. Because I am not going to be that pariah who infects a whole building full of kids just because I don't want to waste $15 on a class. Sigh. I'm afraid many $15 classes have been wasted. Also, Topaz's sixth birthday was postponed, rescheduled, then canceled again due to endless waves of sick. It has been a disappointing, and somewhat cloistered fall and winter for us. To say we are eagerly awaiting spring is a bit of an understatement. Once we do get to reemerge into the world of other humans, we will have long since forgotten how to actually behave around them, and I'm sure much fun will ensue. At least I know it will ensure a future blog post. Months of semi-isolation has been rough on all of us. I get email updates about super fun things going on all around us, and...no. OH PLEASE WHEN WILL IT BE OUR TURN?

But anyway, we are not so easily defeated. I have armed our household with an arsenal of natural remedies and only the most effective and reliable ones will I relate to you now. These are our tried and true fixes, that we never, ever, ever let ourselves run out of. Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or naturopath and have pretty much no medical experience. However, I have always worked with a naturopath, both here and in NYS, and I run everything by her just to make sure. So, you can't hold me responsible for, well, anything. I'm just going to tell you what has worked for our family. If you need a recommendation for an outstanding ND in SW Portland, just ask. Oh, another disclaimer: I am not affiliated with or getting any kind of kickback (sadly) from any of the makers of products I am going to recommend. It's just my own trial and error, that's all this is based on. Boy, that has been expensive. You can thank me for all the money you'll save getting right to a fix.

First, books. I have gotten a lot of really good advice from some herbals I was lucky enough to find at a Half Price Books in Houston years and years ago. I highly recommend The Herbal for Mother and Child. A really outstanding book. I even travel with this book. I wouldn't want to be anywhere without it. My other favorite is Aviva Jill Romm's Naturally Healthy Babies and Children: A Commonsense Guide to Natural Remedies, Nutrition, and Health. I consult these books frequently.

Coughs

Oh, this is a big one. There are many different kinds of cough, but generally speaking, you can run through a pretty short list of treatments and one will most likely help. I recommend consulting one of the aforementioned books or an ND if you have questions. We start with the least invasive first. Hold the child in front of an open freezer, sit with them in a steamy bathroom. Very often huge relief comes from those things. The next step is a spoonful of honey (never for kids under 1 year!). A lot of times that will do the trick, especially at bedtime. If we are woken up in the night, my next defense is the incredible, miraculous, amazing amazing RC oil from Young Living. We mix a couple drops into a carrier oil (almond or coconut or olive, whatever you've got--I have a fondness for jojoba oil because it is not greasy). Rub that on the kid's chest, let them take some deep breaths of it, and it works wonders. My whole life pretty much smells like it right now. It's basically a superior and natural version of that nasty Vick's stuff. The oil is pricey, but when you're only using a couple of drops a day, it lasts for a very long time. I ran out of this stuff ONE TIME and I will never let that happen again! If you need a Young Living supplier, let me know and I will connect you with my friend back in NY who sells it. Of course, you can place orders on the YL website. And finally, my last resort is the dreaded "spicy cough syrup" that the kids don't really care for but grudgingly admit that it helps. We have used two different but similar ones that have both worked about the same: Apitherapy Wild Cherry Bark Syrup by Honey Gardens, and Old Indian Wild Cherry Bark Syrup by Planetary Herbals. These do have a bit of a kick to them, but they're safe for kids, and boy do you feel your sinuses open up pretty much immediately. This is the last resort for the kids, but often Jake and I go for it right away.

If none of those things work, I suggest you get yourself to a hospital, because you probably have tuberculosis or the plague, and death is most likely imminent.

Sore throats

I was cursed with constant strep and tonsillitis when I was a kid, so I know how awful it feels, and I want to knock it out fast when my kids are (rarely, thank goodness) afflicted. A spoonful of honey is often very helpful, and is soothing if nothing else. We've tried this a few times this season and the kids have not only loved it because it tastes good, but have felt some relief: honey and cinnamon. But the thing I usually end up doing is making herbal infusions. So many herbs are particularly soothing, like marshmallow root and linden. Sometimes I'll make a simple infusion of one or both of those herbs, and add some honey, and sometimes I'll give the kids a really lovely and delicious blend from Mountain Rose Herbs, Easy Day Tea, which has those components and several other nice herbs that contribute to overall health.

The kids turn their nose up at apple cider vinegar and raw garlic, so that's pretty much my whole repertoire for them. If the sore throat is really awful, we head to the doctor's office. Even I am not so hardcore that I would let my kid sit there and suffer if they didn't have to.

Fevers

Much has been written about the virtue of not trying to reduce a fever. We officially take the stance that fevers are a sign of our child's body operating properly to fight illness, and is not something to medicate away. I personally find myself in a battle of wills with myself over this. We keep a bottle of baby/children's tylenol in the house, just in case, but rarely use it. It's so hard to stick to your guns when your child is sick and miserable and burning up! Jake and I sit there like, well? I'm not going to go into all the science of it, because I will screw it all up, but I will link to the words of other people who have put a lot of time and research into it already.

Letting a fever run its course and ways to support the child

Benefits of Fever

Aviva Jill Romm's book has a recipe for a strep throat treatment, but we haven't had a case of strep in years, and I have not tried it. I have heard good things, though.

Ear infections

Three words: Garlic/mullein oil. Buy some. Make some. Whatever. It's all you'll need. Just make sure it's pleasantly warm before you use it! Cold oil in the ears will register as PAIN PAIN PAIN and oops, now your kid is afraid of it and says she'll never let you use it again. What I do now is make a cup of tea, and plop the dropper bottle right into the super hot water, and let it sit for a few minutes. Test a drop on your inner wrist to make sure it's a good temperature, and then put a couple drops in. And then drink the tea that you simultaneously made--perhaps something for mom's nerves? Clever, yes? (I also give that tea to my kids!)

I think those are the biggest issues we've dealt with this season. We do lots to support our overall health, and we drink lots of beautiful herbal teas from Mountain Rose Herbs and Earth Mama Angel Baby. I also give the kids fish oil and Vitamin D (oh good lord, why is there a cartoon character on the bottle now?? Ours doesn't have that.). Jake and I drink a lot of ginger tea, which is just hot water and chopped up ginger, with honey. And when I'm feeling especially on top of things, I eat raw garlic (cut up like little pills that I swallow with water), which has so many healthful properties.

I hope this is helpful to someone! I am so happy to finally have a lot of this stuff figured out, because the trial and error process was expensive and frustrating. Now I know exactly what I want to have on hand, where to get it, and that it works for us, consistently. So far, our kids have never been in an emergency room or walk-in clinic, and we have managed to keep things from ever escalating, just via the methods described here. Knock on wood!

Siblings

2012-02-01T13:47:00.000-08:00

Topaz has said she doesn't want to go to school because she would miss her brother and sister. I've thought a lot about that, because it isn't something I've heard anyone talk about much. My kids are so close, they're together all the time, they do everything together. Including a lot of fighting, plotting, building, destroying, playing, giggling, comforting, everything. They are pals, even the baby. The other day, Philip was not feeling well, and every little thing was sending him into wails of tearful despair. Annabelle, barely a year old, marched herself right over to him and threw her arms around him, looked up at him and I swear she wanted to say, "It's okay, brother, really it is."

If I were a little kid, I wouldn't want to leave that either.

On occasions when Topaz has had classes or activities, Philip says he misses her, like, a lot. When the class is over, their reunion is so joyful, you'd think they had been apart for months.

Of course, having said that, those days are sometimes really nice in terms of being able to focus on the little ones more. Three kids will spread you pretty thin. Two kids is so easy! (I wish I'd realized that when I only *had* two!) It's kind of wonderful to have an opportunity to pay more attention and be more present with one of my kids, one on one. Kids grow and change so fast, sometimes it's like meeting the child for the first time.

I love that spending our days together means we *have* to work through disagreements, and learn to work together, share ideas, just...coexist in a really meaningful way. I can't stop myself from thinking that the kids would miss out on that incredibly important skill, if they were separated by a school. Long-term relationship-building is so important.

Of course, it's also possible we're setting them up to be an unstoppable force that could backfire later on. They outnumber us now!

Greek Mythology, and chasing our interests

2012-01-04T19:47:00.001-08:00

I'll just come out and say it. Our first year of homeschooling has been a bit scattered. I started out sickeningly organized, I bought loads of books, and everything went really well for a while. And then we sort of started drifting a bit. Which I think is totally, absolutely fine. My intention with this first year was just to sort of ease into the whole idea of homeschooling. I don't think a 5-6 year old needs any really formal lessons, so that takes a lot of pressure off. I won't call us unschoolers, because even if that's what we seem to be in practice, I'm not sure about that label and if it will apply to us in the future. But that's basically what's happening around here for now.

We really just follow our interests. All of us, not just the kids. Jake is forever reading something new, I'm always going link to link to link on some new topic, and we patronize our libraries like it's going out of style. So following the kids along on this same path is pretty straightforward. Jake and I have made sure to fill the kids' space with books on every topic. Topaz has been a little internet expert for many of her six years (Let's just google it, mom! Or what about youtube?).

Right now, Topaz has discovered that she is crazy about Greek mythology. Like, it's all she talks about. At the beginning of the school year, I bought D'Aulaire's Book of Greek Myths, being excited about it myself, and thinking that she was way too young for it but it would be cool to have lying around just in case. She wasn't really interested in it until Jake randomly picked up some DVDs from one of the libraries, in the Greek Mythology for Students series. After watching the first DVD, she was transfixed. We hastily located the others in the series, and she has watched them again and again. It's a great series, and I highly recommend them if your local library has them. So now she is familiar with a good number of the basic myths, and talks about them all the time. The D'Aulaire's book is suddenly fascinating, and she pores over it.

There are lot of other interests coming and going, and being explored to varying depths. I love this organic way of learning. That teachable moment, so crucial!

Decembering. Nutcracker, Peacock Lane, and Solstice

2011-12-22T23:22:00.000-08:00

This crazy month has been so very full that I could have legitimately written a whole post every single day, but I've been too busy! It's been loads of fun, but I have to admit I'm beginning to feel ready for the quiet that always falls after the whirlwind of Christmas is over and done with. That hunkering down for the winter is so appealing to me. There is always so much internal housekeeping to be done. Although, as this is our first year in Oregon, I really have no idea if there will be much of that, since there isn't a ton of snow to wade through, and I'm pretty sure it will not get cold enough to keep us inside for months on end like in New York.

We enjoyed the shortest day of the year yesterday. We lit a ton of candles, most of them made by the kids at a wonderful free workshop provided by the local public library. That was such a blast. The kids and I were elated at our accomplishment: we showed up having never made candles, and left with several little bundles of them. So proud!

We are enjoying having Jake's mom visiting us for the first time in Oregon. Today we went to see the Nutcracker, just us girls. Topaz had the best time ever. This was her second year going to a big theater and seeing it performed in person, and I think she loved it even more than she did last year in Ithaca. It was just gorgeous, all of it.

We decided tonight was the night to go see the famous Peacock Lane, a fabulous Christmas lights display in an historic neighborhood in Portland. It was really wonderful. We stayed in the car because the kids were so tired, so it was a pleasantly not-freezing experience.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled frantic crafting. The husband sweater is coming along nicely. I probably only have ten million more stitches to go.

Resurrection of the blog

2011-12-11T16:36:00.000-08:00

LONG TIME NO SEE.

So, it's been a while since I've updated here. I decided to get over that and jump right back into it. To catch you up":

We were in upstate New York. Then we spent 2010 traveling a whole lot for work, which was not the best thing ever, but that's over. We had a baby, which WAS the best thing ever. Now there are five of us. And now we live outside of Portland, Oregon. For keeps? We'll see! Jake has given up the traveling consultant life and we're hunkered down on the west coast, catching our breath after a crazy couple of years. So here we are! you're all caught up.

What are we up to now? Oh, lots.

Topaz just turned six and we're homeschooling. That has been lots of fun, and sort of tricky with the two littles determined to undo all my doing. We are learning lots of fun things and going to lots of fun places, and this blog will follow us on some of those things.

Philip is nearly four now, and is into aliens and spaceships, skateboards (maybe when he turns four he'll get one??), and toilet humor. Fun stuff.

Our newest little one is Annabelle. She's already nearly a year old, which seems crazy. She's into everything, walking and trying to talk, but mostly just points and grunts. We can't imagine how we lived without her.

Lately we're neck-deep in the holiday season, crafting and decorating and doing a ton of Christmasy things.

Yesterday we went to the Children's Gift-Making Faire at the Micha-el Waldorf school in Milwaukie. We all had a blast, and we all learned how to do something we couldn't do before. I was especially thrilled that Topaz and I learned how to blanket stitch.

Philip had a great time with a hammer, cutting out beeswax.

We mixed our own beautiful tea blend.

And Topaz has really taken off with knitting. She's zipping through a blanket for her dollhouse. I wish I had a picture of MY first knitting project to compare. It was a scarf that kept getting wider and wider and full of holes.

And last but not least, this was our project last night. Topaz and I are really happy with our lovely lanterns. We used these instructions.

Small pleasures

2010-10-27T10:51:00.001-07:00

Even though this is all just things and stuff, I thought I'd share some of the little things that are making my life pleasant enough to survive. I don't buy a ton of pre-made products, but the few I do I really love.

Beeceuticals Organics Royal Treatment Face Cream--I got a tiny trial size of this at one of the health food stores here, and I LOVE IT. It is going to replace the Weleda stuff I used to use. I only need moisturizer at this time of the year, but when I need it, I really need it. This stuff is light and feels like a drink of water to my skin. It has a very mild smell, which is also important to me. Love love love.

London Teac Company English Breakfast tea--This is probably my favorite thing in the world right now. Best tea ever. I've been getting it at Homegoods, but I'm sure it's findable elsewhere. It's just really, really good. And it's fair trade and organic. I haven't been able to drink coffee very much this pregnancy, but this has been such a wonderful daily treat.

Seventh Generation Lavender Floral & Mint dish soap--I love the way this soap smells, and I don't even mind washing dishes when I use it. It reminds me of my garden in summer.

Taza Chocolate--the darker the better. This chocolate is so amazing, and the richness and almost gritty texture are unparalleled. I have never had chocolate like this before and now every other chocolate seems to be lacking. Also, it is made in the town where Jake and I first met and used to hang out. It's expensive, but a little goes a long way, and a single bar can last us weeks. It's just so satisfying on so many levels.

Blue Sky Alpacas Organic Cotton yarn--Somehow or other I have had a great number of random skeins of this yarn floating around (I think I kept finding last remaining skeins of discontinued colors?), and it is such a pleasure to handle. I know a lot of people say they hate knitting with cotton, but this is so decadent and easy to work with that I forget it's cotton. Philip's baby blanket is made out of it. It's so wonderful for babies. Truly a wonderful sensory experience, and the colors are lovely.

Smitten Kitchen recipes--I know, I know, not a thing per se, but certainly a presence in my daily life. It always seems like the recipes I HAVE TO make come from there. If you don't have them on your facebook, you should. Great recipes, always inspiring.

Cocoon Baby Body Wash--This stuff is such a wonderful aromatherapy experience. I love smelling it on my kids, and I use it myself. I've been buying this stuff for a while, and absolutely love it.

On why I smashed my children's portable DVD player last night.

2010-09-24T08:14:00.001-07:00

Here's the story. it's been a long time coming, smashing that DVD player. It was a calculated move, not a frenzy of rage or anything crazy.

So I use the DVD player in a very controlled and limited fashion to benefit myself. I have never been in favor of my kids watching TV or even movies, especially because my individual children get so sucked in that it freaks me out. I completely lose the ability to reach them when they're watching. They become unreasonable. We haven't had TV for like, 7 or 8 years already, but when we are in hotels they get to watch the occasional PBS kids or a movie with us. Which I still think is stupid and I don't like. I'll elaborate more on why later.

Last night, I was downstairs cleaning up after dinner. Dinner that Philip would not come down to because he was watching a movie. Fine, I figured, it will be one less kid in the mix of chaos. I would normally take the DVD player and put it on a high shelf when I want it off, but I let it go this time because I really didn't mind dealing with one less kid right then. He ate later and that was fine. So I hear Topie yelling from upstairs. She had eaten her dinner and gone back up to the bedroom for the movie. I went to the bottom of the stairs to see what she was yelling about, and heard her say that Philip had pooped in his underwear and smeared it all over the place.

...

So I went upstairs to check things out, and sure enough, my 80%+ potty trained kid had shit himself rather than get up and go use the toilet. To watch a movie. That he had seen forty million times before and has memorized and regales us with constant quotes from.

While Topie couldn't be bothered to tear herself away from said movie to come down and get help. When I got up there, the thing was blasting on the loudest setting even though she knows that is absolutely not allowed.

What I took from this scene was that they were too absorbed into the movie to deal with reality, to a point that they were making a ton of work for me, losing themselves, and where was the benefit? So I cleaned things up, got Philip in the bath, and announced to Topie that we were having no more movies. And then threw the thing on the floor where it smashed gloriously into fifty pieces. But still was glowing and apparently fully functional. The Waldorf shit breaks if they look at it the wrong way, and the made in China piece of shit works when it's smashed to pieces.

Honestly, I was pissed off about the whole thing, but I was in total control of myself. Yes, I was ranting and yelling, but seriously. It had been a fucking long day, one thing after another, and I had had enough.

The greatest part of this is that really I'm the only one who gets screwed in this equation, because I used that thing strategically so I could cook, clean, pay bills, or bathe. I considered it something I really resented having to do, but a necessary evil because what the hell else am I going to do when I'm the only one here???

So. Why I don't want them watching movies anymore in the first place:

Philip is a little sponge. He goes around reciting movies, singing theme songs, taking everyday situations and twisting them into a part of a movie. It was really cute at first but ultimately I find it very disturbing. It is a fixation for him. Then I find out that even though Topie doesn't go around constantly talking about movies, she has every word memorized too. This bothers me immensely. I feel like if they are this able to absorb and retain what they see and here, sometimes after only one viewing of something, then that needs to be used for something other than fucking Veggie Tales and Ponyo.

When i first began to feel like this was a problem, when we first got back home, I enforced an all-out ban from all screen time for a week. Just to see. And do you know what happened? Philip discovered books. My little baby who thought books were for tearing up, eating, drawing in, or otherwise destroying, suddenly wanted me to read to him many times a day. I still catch him sitting someplace with a book, intently poring over the pages. This is a completely, COMPLETELY remarkably new thing for him. He would never sit still for a book. Topie got gypped out of storytime because of him. He was like a cat on a newspaper. He just wouldn't let it happen. Topie has always been the girl with the book, even though she can't read yet. She's been sitting up here for an hour by herself with a big thick book, completely intent. And Philip seemed to come out of his movie haze long enough to realize there were other things out there to spend his time on. I think this is a huge win. Now he recites book lines to me!

It was cathartic to me to smash that DVD player. Maybe Jake can even fix it, I don't know. I don't really care. I have no intention of replacing it anyway. I think we're better off without it. Jake and I have discussed this a lot in recent weeks, and we have decided that, more difficult for us or not, we are going back to my original plan--which worked great with Topie when she was littler--which was making all movie viewing a family event, with much use of the pause button and lots of discussion and answering every question, and making it relevant. When Topaz was small, I used to watch Nanny McPhee with her a lot. That movie is so great for depicting exaggerated emotions and very clear scenarios that even little kids can understand. I have some issues with that movie, but overall we loved watching it together, it was beautiful and fanciful, and I thought we got a lot out of it. Topaz learned to readily identify displays of emotion, put names to feelings, understand motivations and discuss different personality types. It's hard to find movies that are truly of any benefit, but I really felt like that one was. That, and she and I used to watch Pride and Prejudice sometimes. Can't get too much of Colin Firth, I always say. Anyway, I really liked how serious Topaz was about identifying situations and--even when she was really small--comparing them to situations in her own life and interactions. Now, she still does that to a point, and we discuss everything she watches, but it's primarily used as a crutch for me to get time away from them to do things, and not for their benefit. I don't like this shift, even though I can say it has been necessary.

As for actual TV, I have loads of strong feelings there. I think TV is unhealthy for everyone, child or not. Once you have weaned yourself off it for a substantial period of time, going back is like a blow to the head. You see clearly all the manipulation, the skewed perspectives, the ridiculous people and plots. You see the endless advertising, the constant reaching into your brain to convince you of an idea. When we lived in the hotel in OKC, I did let the kids watch some TV. I thought it was time to shift from the total ban approach to the watch and learn why it's so awful approach. So I let them watch. Now, Topaz can explain why we don't buy anything we see on TV. And not just the stuff on commercials. Can we all just accept the fact that all of children's programming is a commercial? It is all linked to merchandise, stuff your kid is supposed to whine to get at the store. Stuff they don't need, that is usually toxic and crappily made, and that will detract from your family's resources while offering nothing in return. I tell the kids that people who buy things they've seen on TV are suckers, they have been tricked. I believe that is true. This ranges from apple slices in a prepackaged format to collectible crap from fast food places to books related to TV shows to stuffed animals that go along with them at Barnes & Noble. That stuff is for suckers, plain and simple. It's for people who can't say no to their kids, or who haven't given it a moment's thought to realize, oh shit, that show I put my kid in front of this morning? COST ME MONEY.

In terms of adult programming, which is probably far less insidious than children's programming, it is still vile. We have our little guilty pleasures that sometimes we watch on Netflix or online, but it is very minimal, and when it gets in the way of anything else, or starts to become a distraction, it is over. But really. Pay attention to what you're watching. You don't have to be a stark raving Christian to take offense to the ridiculous absence of morals and reasonable perspective that's being crammed down your throat. Jake has me hooked on the word "wholesome" and I think it's a great word to describe what TV is NOT. Most of the characters on movies and TV are not people I would want in my life. They are not people I want to emulate. They are not people I want my children to grow up to be. I'm all for fantasy and comedy and losing oneself in something that isn't real life once in a while. I get it. But I want to encourage everyone to watch with some skepticism and a strong filter on, lest the "values" depicted on TV become your own. That is very hard. Sometimes I find myself far too influenced by what I watch, and I known that it's time to stop watching. But I know a lot of people have no such self-preservation mechanism. The point of this is that I want my kids to have that mechanism in place, to be able to recognize things for what they really are, and not be suckered into a false reality that is detrimental to themselves and to those around them.

The moral of the story, as is the moral of all my stories, is THINK. Or don't, but then don't damn me to hell because I've made a different decision than you have. I know this is yet another pointlessly heated and personal-taking topic that everyone feels a need to defend their positions on. I get it. This post of mine has been pretty defensive too, I guess.

This isn't even getting into the angle of zero screen time that a lot of smart people endorse. I think those people either have nannies, more help than I do, or kids who are older or better able to entertain themselves safely unsupervised. I wonder.

How to be Good

2010-08-11T12:24:00.000-07:00

I wrote this maybe a month or two ago, right in the midst of a crazy time of trying to figure out yet another city and how to maintain our lifestyle and standards in a place that felt downright hostile to all of that. Perhaps there are too many points brought up in this particular post, but perhaps I will elaborate on some of them in future posts.
~~~~~

The way I see it there are a few levels you can go through on the pathway to making a better world. All are fairly small things, all attainable with a little attention. But I'll walk through my own progression to illustrate.

It makes sense to evaluate your priorities in life on a regular basis---your values, beliefs, etc, and then try to make your life and actions line up with them.

So the first step for me was health and comfort. I wanted to make my home a safe haven for myself and my family, so I focused on creating a clean, safe, simple space, into which I only brought carefully chosen things that would not compromise our health or comfort--ideally things that would increase them.

First was food. It is our fuel, it's what we are. We gradually switched our food over to organic, deciding to add categories of food as we learned more about why it was important. I think dairy was the first thing we did, and produce. The rest all came along the way. Now we are pretty close to 100% organic, and we only eat non-organic when we choose to eat out.

Then came cookware and everything in the kitchen, since the way you prepare food is important too. We got rid of everything plastic, and replaced it with either stainless steel or glass/pyrex counterparts. All the teflon went. That was sad. No more Belgian waffles. I'm still working on that one.

Cleaning supplies was a big one. You can go a long way toward improving your home environment by just leaving out the chemicals. We boxed up all the conventional cleaning supplies we had and took them to the dump, where guys in hazmat suits thought we were insane. Then we dfound substitutes for all we had gotten rid of. We went through probably every natural detergent option available and eventually decided on one we liked best, made by Ecover. No more fabric softener whatsoever. No more bleach. In the kitchen, we love Seventh Generation floral mint dish soap. For the dishwasher I like a powder by BioKleen. I got some spray bottles and filled them with vinegar and essential oils. There are tons of great websites out there with recipes for homemade cleaning products. I really love the book Green Housekeeping for this and everything to do with...green housekeeping.

It seemed a very natural next step to think about the larger impact of what we bought and used. That led to a new level of research, looking into practices of the companies making products we buy. There is an element of social responsibility factored into my purchases now. Were farmers subjected to pesticide or other chemical exposure so I could have this product? Was the creator of that purchase paid fairly for his/her work? Etc.

My own personal values are something like this.

I want to leave the world better--or at least no worse--than how I found it. I don't want to contribute to the destruction of rain forests through my careless purchases. I don't want to compromise the health or wellbeing of people who work to make or grow the products I buy. I do want to teach my children how to be good stewards of their earth. I do want to minimize my impact on the planet as much as possible. I do want to be a resource for others to make people see that their choices ARE important, both in terms of their own health, and for the whole world. I want to stand as an example of someone who grew up just like everyone else, throwing everything away, eating total crap, not thinking about the consequences of my choices, but who then became aware and made changes that quickly added up. Everything I do is attainable to everyone, with some effort.

In my travels around the country this year, I have been increasingly aware that there are areas that really are not as conducive to green living as others. I now realize that I have taken a lot of things for granted, and that's my current project--figuring out how to level the playing field, so that what I have accomplished in my own household, anyone can accomplish anywhere. I was surprised to discover that some cities don't have recycling programs established. I was surprised how hard it was to find reasonably priced healthy food in some cities. Spending time in cities all across the country has been hugely eye-opening for me. To be honest, it has knocked me for a loop and I am scrambling to figure things out. I realize now just how much I have taken for granted and how large the scope of the problem is. When I let my mind wander and start thinking of just how many people are out there, not thinking or caring about the environment, or their own health, all the plastic bottles thrown away, all the plastic shopping bags thrown away, all the chemicals people willfully ingest and surround themselves with...I feel like my head is going to explode, and I feel pure, concentrated futility. Jake can tell you, when we first arrived in Oklahoma City, I found myself in a tailspin. All that I had taken for granted elsewhere was not available. Or at least not easily or obviously to me. Finding reasonably priced healthy food was very difficult, if not impossible. I looked around at the people all around me, throwing plastic bottles away, eating fast food, and to my mind, not giving a damn. I know, I am guilty of attributing bad intention on strangers. I like to imagine that if I could somehow condense everything I have learned over the years, that maybe they would choose to make the same changes I have. I'm having a very tough time being outside of my little bubble and seeing the rest of the world, and feeling like anything I do makes any different at all, when there are so, so many people out there doing the exact opposite of what I think is right. I have had moments when I feel like throwing in the towel and spending the next few years trying to forget everything I know.

So right now I am struggling to find perspective. I am trying to find my place in the world, and discover my true impact, good or bad.

I am now aware that for a few years now I have put myself in a little green bubble. My home is a sanctuary. It smells neutral. There is nothing offensive to any of my senses. I feel confident that my kids are safe there, and protected from the chemical onslaught other children are subjected to during their most delicate years. I feel comfortable and happy and safe in my little bubble. And it extends to my friends, too. I seem to have narrowed my circle of friends to the people who are most understanding of my choices, and who share my values. So I can feel comfortable taking my kids to their homes as well. We shop in only the "healthy section" of the grocery store, as my daughter calls it, and we are fortunate to have a large selection of beautiful local organic produce there. It's gotten very easy to simply forget the rest of the store, with its Campbells cream of whatever soups live. I have put blinders on, just so I can survive. Thinking about the rest of the world, fretting over all the harm that is done on a daily basis, thinking that anything I do could not possibly counteract all of that...it's too exhausting and I can't live with it in my head. It's not that I lie to myself, I just try to focus on the good of my own personal life and not worry about what the rest of the world is doing.

Still Aiming...

2010-06-15T13:59:00.000-07:00

So many changes, so hard to keep up.

Since I last wrote here, we have relocated again, this time to a city we'd never visited. Now we've been in Oklahoma City for a couple of weeks. We're living in a hotel right now. That is very interesting. I have images of my children becoming little Eloises, but we are sadly lacking in all the glamour and adventure she seemed so surrounded by. We do have gleeful button-pushing in the elevator, and it's sort of exciting that the possibility of room service exists. They bring dinner? Right to us? Really?

I have to admit I'm having a hard time. As if it wasn't enough of a project to relocate again, sort of in a hurry, this time around I'm pregnant. Due in early January, so that puts me smack dab in the midst of first trimester ick. It's slowed me down quite a bit, and I'm sad to say my energy level has been very low in terms of seeking out fun stuff for the kids, and even necessary resources. Food in particular has been difficult. I guess I took it for granted that so far we've had such an easy time finding fabulous foods. There is a farmers market tomorrow that I'm determined to find.

This contract is supposed to be for six months, so more change looms. We are weighing our options in terms of the kids and I going back to New York to have some familiar comfort and our friends nearby. It's a difficult decision as each option has so many pros and cons of equal weight.

There are bright spots in the midst of our little world of chaos. Philip has taken it upon himself to go to the toilet on a regular basis. I never expected such a thing could happen with all our moving around, but we wash diapers so rarely now. I'm delighted with this progress, and I can't really take much credit for it.

So there's my little update. Maybe next update will be from the moon, who knows.

Doing stuff is hard.

2010-05-21T12:53:00.000-07:00

A lot of us live our lives longing for things and experiences that we believe are too difficult to actually get, or too much work, or just not feasible right now. Whatever that means. If nothing else this experience has taught me that yes, some of those things are hard, expensive, or throw you way out of your comfort zone. In the last several months I have lived out of hotels, an apartment, and most recently a tent, with two small children, dealing with the sick and tired of early pregnancy, in debt, unsure of what the next day would bring. I wouldn't have chosen this out of all possible choices. It was intimidating to tell Jake, sure, let's do this thing because we don't know what else to do. Ultimately I still don't know if this is where I want to be, or if we are getting closer to any of our life goals by taking this path. But I do know that I have been surprised--have surprised myself--by what we have done and what has actually been possible. We could be sitting at home, back in a place where there are simply no jobs for Jake, no legal homebirth, no real opprtunities. We could have stayed and whined and blown through our retirement fund. We could have hoped for the best. But sitting around complacent has never been my favorite approach, so we started looking at the less comfortable possibilities, ones that would open new doors, if we could deal with sone total insanity for indefinitely.

There have been a lot of serious challenges. I think in some ways we've all suffered a bit. Certainly all the routine and rhythm and predictability I had built for the kids at home went out the window. As did our finances. I need structure and a sense of knowing what to expect, I like--need--to plan things, and that has all gone too. Jake seems to need less in general, and probably his biggest challenge is dealing with me and the kids going a hit nuts sometimes with the uncertainty. Add pregnancy to this mix, and that's something special. I feel like a ticking time bomb, unable to go home, not sure where I'll even be in nine months, feeling kind of all alone and helpless and struggljng to define, yet again, what "making the best of things" means.

There have been some good aspects to all this, though. We thought we'd never get to do this magnitude of roadtripping until the kids were much older. We used to roam around a lot pre-kids. There are a ton of exciting things in this part of the country, and we've tried to take advantage of as much as we could. The parks here are amazing. We finally took the kids camping--something I'd always been nervous about--to save money while traveling. It ended up being something we all enjoy and hope to make part of our lifestyle. Also, Jake has pursued a lifelong dream of going into business for himself, and has succeeded at it. He is established and in demand now. On a weekly basis we look at a handful of opportunities, all over the country, and they're all realistic. We're limited only by our own indecision about where we want to settle down for the long haul.
It's not a bad place to be. When I think of the alternative, the sitting at home thinking of how hard it all seems, I shudder. I miss our darden back home. We miss our friends and the familiarity of the life we made in New York. We left a lot behind. When I think of starting over and rebuilding all that someplace else I feel overwhelmed and tired. But looking back at all we've done and how all our efforts of making things work have paid off...I feel like we've come a long way already, and we can keep going further.

Whoever said this grown up life was supposed to be easy anyway? Next challenge? The kids and I have to fly across the country without Jake, and deal with packing up and selling our house. Lordy, do I hope the morning sickness doesn't linger.

Earth Day

2010-04-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

I've been near death with some sinus thing or flu or something all week, so any fun thing I might have planned to do with the kids to celebrate Earth Day just didn't happen. However, I decided that, all things considered, we live a pretty green lifestyle, and I talk to the kids about it all the time, so I am going to give myself a break.

One thing we did do was have a little talk (keep in mind the kids are 2 and 4--very little talk) about the origins of Earth Day, why we should have such a thing, what it means, what people do. Topaz was totally engrossed by the notion of a burning river. She's no stranger to talk of chemicals and poisons and people doing thoughtless things, but she's also no stranger to the notion of people doing wonderful things, and making changes, and that she can be part of those changes. She drew a picture of a burning river and then the same river all better. She seemed very proud to think that some of the choices our family makes on a daily basis can help, and how maybe she can influence people around her to make good choices. Gotta get 'em while they're young!

But then we talked about things we still need to change in our own lives. I told her just a bit about how we drive too much and how all the cars that are driving put out a little bit of yucky stuff into the air, and use up all the gas. We resolved to drive less and try to walk more and stop going places we don't need to go so often. What's your Earth Day resolve?

The Story of Stuff

2010-03-11T12:53:00.000-08:00

Today I got around to watching The Story of Stuff. I'd had it bookmarked for ages, but today I sat down and watched it. I'm so glad I did. I feel like this is so important, and presented so well. I'd say it's the Food, Inc. of STUFF. Set aside a few minutes and watch.

To summarize, The Story of Stuff discusses the cycle of Things, beginning with collection of natural resources, going through production and distribution, consumption and disposal. She describes this process as unsustainable, as it is a linear process as opposed to a cycle. She describes each of these stages and our own role in the process. It will change the way you look at the world, and it's an outstanding wake up call. I consider myself a pretty conscious and minimalist person, but I know that I could improve. I'm betting a lot of you feel that way and could use some ideas on making those improvements. Maybe you'll find some in this post.

I know I go on and on about the food thing, but since food is something we buy over and over, and it all comes out of the same process, it's worth touching on. Knowing where your food comes from and the practices involved in its production is hugely important. To find farms, farmers markets, and food sources near you, I recommend Local Harvest. When you meet farmers, don't hesitate to ask them how they run their farms and what they value. Do they compost? What do they feed their animals or fertilize crops with? Do they practice sustainable agriculture? Organic farmers are more likely to have a sustainable operation, but I have talked to many farmers who are not certified organic but who adhere to all the standards. Know who you're supporting, and consciously decide who to give your money to. Another benefit of buying directly from farmers is that there is generally less packaging (or none!), no processing, less or no waste.

Another place to start is to look at what your trash can and recycling bins are full of. Can you stop buying that stuff so they take weeks or months to fill up? We used to have to pay by the bag for our trash, so it really motivated us to keep it to a minimum. A compost pile takes out a ton of what used to fill our garbage can. Then meticulously taking out recyclables made a big dent. Then being very conscious of packaging we brought into the house in the first place--those disposable coffee cups, straws, takeout packaging, food packaging all piles up fast. I started buying as much as possible out of the bulk bins at the grocery store and food coops. We religiously use our grain and produce bags, and shopping bags, and cut out a huge amount of waste. I highly recommend checking out reusablebags.com. They sell awesome grain and produce bags, shopping bags, reusable water bottles and coffee cups and food containers. We even got some stainless steel drinking straws from them! Every time you throw something away, ask yourself if there is a reusable equivalent out there you could be using instead. You'd be surprised how far you can carry that...there are reusable alternatives for napkins, tissues, diapers and wipes, paper towels, menstrual pads, even toilet paper! How far you take it is up to you.

Once you systematically eliminate things from the world of shopping that don't meet your criteria of values and principles, you will realize there's really not that much stuff for you to buy. The grocery store gets much smaller and quicker to get out of once you've realized that most of it is not food you want to eat. The number of stores you will go to will be reduced too. Deciding to buy only organic clothing eliminates a ton of stores also. I have gotten into the habit of searching online for healthier and more sustainable versions of things on my shopping list, and I consider the time well-spent.

Take yourself out of the cycle whenever you can. When a need or want pops up, first check out opportunities to borrow something from a neighbor, or make a trade with someone, or take advantage of great resources like ebay, craigslist, freecycle, garage sales, and resale/thrift stores. I hate to spend so much on kids' clothes that will be outgrown long before they are worn out, so I buy most of my kids' clothes at children's resale shops. I often find amazing things that would be way out of my budget, in excellent shape worn only a short time by some other kid.

I think of myself as voting with my money, that every dollar I spend as saying Yes, I approve of this, keep making it! This gives me pause every time I am about to buy something. Is this something I think is great, that I want to remain in production, that supports my values and does minimal harm to my, my family, and the planet? Also, this is the basic concept of supply and demand--if I throw my money at something, more of it will be produced. If I buy something secondhand, I am supporting the store that operates to resell used things. Less is produced, less is wasted, my needs are met.

As for the disposal aspect, consider selling or donating things instead of simply throwing them away. There are always places to donate, even if it's somewhere like Salvation Army or Goodwill, but you can often find places like shelters that have need for things. Look for community centers that might have a program for distribution of used goods to people in need.

I've had a crazy relationship with Stuff in the past year. We've had the threat of a big move looming, and so I've spent a lot of time going through everything we own and evaluating its value to our family. When you face the prospect of packing, paying to move or store, and dragging around all that stuff, it looks different to you. It becomes a burden. Let me tell you, any joy all that stuff gave me, if any, disappeared when I started getting estimates from moving companies. So I started getting rid of it. We brutally purged the house, in several manic waves, donating and selling things that were not worth the aggravation of hauling cross-country. It turned out to be a lot, and there is so much more I plan to get rid of. But a very pleasant side effect, before we moved, was that our space felt more open and usable. We weren't constantly tripping over excess toys, or digging through countless utensils in the kitchen drawers. We streamlined based on our actual lifestyle and needs, and everything seemed so much simpler. The decision to eliminate something was generally based on answering questions like,
do I want to clean or clean around this, move it around, trip over it, maintain or replace it, etc. I had started to feel like my Stuff owned me, instead of the other way around, and realized it wasn't adding anything to my life. Also, thinking of it in financial terms, when you break down that your husband worked five hours away from our family so we could buy that crappy thing that you keep tripping over...is it worth it? I highly recommend a wonderful book, Your Money or Your Life: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence.

Here's my mental checklist whenever I am about to buy something:

Is this a need or a want?
Will I still want/need this in six months?
Can I wait two weeks to buy it?
Am I buying it because it's on sale/I have a coupon/I saw an ad/I want what someone else has?
Is this an impulse purchase? Did someone strategically put this where I would be tricked into mindlessly buying it?
Do I want to buy this because I'm bored or need entertainment?
Will I regret spending the money, or is there some better thing I could put the same money toward?
Do I have room for this in my house?

If it is food, is it processed? Packaged in recyclable materials? Lots of packaging? Is there an alternative with less packaging?
Where did this come from?
Was it sustainably made?
Can I get this second-hand somewhere?
Could I make it myself instead?
Was this product well-made, made to last, or made to be disposable?
If there is a possibility I will want to get rid of this someday, does it have good resale value?
Are you buying an heirloom or something you'll toss next time you move?

Would I violate any of my personal values or principles by supporting the maker or seller of this product?
Is there someone offering the same or similar product who I would rather give my money to?
Jake worked hard for the money I'm using to buy this. Is it worth the time and effort he put in? How would he feel to know he worked x number of hours to buy this?
Is buying this compromising our long-term plan? If we put this in a savings account would it do more for our family?

It sounds like a lot to think about, and it is. I've added each of those questions over time, and now it's nearly automatic, my brain just goes down the list. I wish I had made a record of all the things I picked up and put back on the shelf after going through this thought process. If anything, I would recommend making your own list based on a few considerations you care most about, then once that becomes habit, add to the list. Your list might look completely different than mine, but the point is to get yourself to stop and really THINK about what you're doing.

I know all this is a lot to process. But my goal was to get you thinking about even tiny things you can do to alter your impact on the planet and improve your family's health and finances.

Packing and Stuff

2010-02-19T15:13:00.000-08:00

Stuff is important, much as I hate to say it.

Packing quickly with space limitations and trying to keep the needs and wants of four people in mind is a real challenge. Before this trip, I wrote this elsewhere, and it seems appropriate to post it here before writing my current thoughts on the subject.

I've been thinking about how I've had a bad habit of looking either backward or way forward, and not so much in my present. I mean, I spent a lot of years looking over my shoulder regretfully or analytically, and then I sort of stopped doing that as much and have spent the last several years looking ahead to whatever it is I'm waiting for to make me happy or content or whatever. I think some of that is okay, it's always good to think about your ideal life and do what you can to make it happen, but as a constant lifestyle? I've been in limbo far too long, and to some extent it's just because I don't really know how to live in the now. Yes, I can make the best of circumstances, but I haven't put down roots, and I never live just to live for today. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not getting as much out of life as I might if I started paying more attention to right now.

I also see all the progress I make, and everything I've built in the last few years as somewhat of a waste because it will all disappear when we move and we'll start from scratch with no record and no evidence of anything. But I think that's not the right way to look at it. Certainly I've learned a ton in the last few years, and it will be much easier to recreate it someplace than it would be to start all over from nothing.

I told Jake last week that when I think about packing stuff for the kids on these contract jobs, I don't worry much because our kids think of US as home. I was thinking, what can I take with us that will simulate/create HOME for the kids. And I thought about parents who talk about laying their baby down with the mom's shirt because it smells like mom and is comforting. We have never had to do anything like that because we are always there with them. My kids don't seem to have any real attachments to anything, no blankie or favorite toy or doll or anything. They just don't seem to need it. They are happy with whatever they have at the moment, and they have us. It always comes down to that: they have us.

But what about for me? What is home to me? Yes, it's my family. And I wonder how far that would carry me. I am definitely a person who enjoys comforts and familiar things around me. So what symbolizes home to me?

Certainly a lot of my kitchen stuff is important to my sense of well-being.

We don't have anything on our walls and I'm not much for knickknacks or decorating in general. Our house is just stuff we use mostly.

So I don't know. I'm kind of thinking I could create home for myself with a carload of stuff from Target if it came right down to it. Stuff for cooking, some rugs, a dinner table, a comfortable place to sit, blankets and pillows. All this makes me sound kind of low-maintenance, but I'm sure that's not totally accurate. Or maybe I just have the wrong idea about myself and I need less than I imagine I do.

I'm thinking in terms of, if I left here with the clothes on my back, what would I feel compelled to buy first? Knitting stuff, cooking/dining stuff, toiletries, clothes, food.

So maybe this is not so difficult after all.

And what did I end up doing?

Mostly what I planned. I was so hoping to not have to spend much money buying replacements when we got here, and I've really kept that to a minimum, fortunately. Each of us got a medium size plastic tub, but I ended up combining the kids' stuff into just one. Jake really only wanted to bring books and clothes and his laptop bag. I brought my knitting bag, yarn I hoped or expected to use in the next few months, too many books, a couple of yoga DVDs, and a lot of kitchen stuff. The kitchen is by far the most thoroughly stocked room in the apartment.

The plan was to get here and find a cheap dining room table and chairs on Craigslist, and then if we went back home we'd just sell it and break even. I found and bought a great little set the very first day we were in the apartment. Boy was Jake surprised! When I have a plan, I mean business.

The bedroom is set up much like ours at home--a bunch of blankets and pillows arranged on the floor. I wanted to avoid having to buy a dresser or any other furniture, so I brought all our laundry baskets, and we have enough shelving in the bedroom closet that we just put each of our laundry baskets up on the shelf and go there to find our clothes. Because, let's just be honest here, half the time our clothes at home never quite find their way to the dresser anyway.

This all makes me feel extremely low-maintenance. I can look around in this apartment and see kids' stuff scattered all over, but it's good because they have been actually PLAYING with all of it, because it's a very small assortment of their stuff. I see our bedroom, complete and lacking nothing. The kitchen is fully functional and stocked with good food. We chose not to bring quite a lot of stuff, obviously, but we found space for our new food processor and Le Creuset dutch oven, because those things are just too wonderful to leave at home. The Kitchenaid was too large to bring, and I made a batch of cookies by hand today for the first time in a few months. Sad to say my cookie muscles are not what they once were. Must get working on that!

So all in all, I've only had to buy a new shower curtain and bath mat, a set of four plates, a cheap set of glasses, and that's really about it. I have some ideas for how I would do things differently next time--like, I would simply NOT fill up a large bag with pantry items from home--I would so much rather have brought the kids' tricycles in that space.

Possibly the next thing we will splurge on is bikes for us. Jake wants to start biking to work, and I want to start hauling the kids around in this nice weather. Maybe we ought to wait for an actual paycheck before thinking about that!

Traveling cross-country with kids (and maintaining your standards!)

2010-02-11T17:17:00.000-08:00

We recently and somewhat unexpectedly moved across the county. Upstate New York to Portland, Oregon, in five days. We had very little notice, and virtually no time to make any plans or arrangements. We packed what we thought we might especially need for three months, filled the minivan to capacity, and hit the road. It was a little insane, to be honest.

The trip went shockingly well--so well, in fact, that I would like to share things that contributed to our success. The kids were amazing. They aren't used to being in the car for so long, and they are so physically active that it was really hard on them to be sitting so much. But they kept themselves entertained very well, thanks to some thoughtful packing of their little backpacks. In hers, Topaz had an assortment of drawing implements, some moleskine notebooks I got at a store closing sale, some small books, lacing cards, and some other things I can't remember. Philip had small books and a few crayons and paper, a little Doodle Pro, and a couple of beloved toy cars. On route, we also added mini Etch-A-Sketches to their bags, and Topaz got some small sticker books with fairies and princess. All this made for some very happy kids. We also finally used the portable DVD player we bought a couple of years ago and never actually needed. It was always a source of pride for me that my kids could be in the car a full day and I never felt the need to put on a movie for them. But this time it was a very useful thing, and eased those fitful times when they had had enough and needed something extra. Sleeping Beauty and Nanny McPhee, several times each, and I can recite those movies in my sleep.

We had packed quite a lot of snacks beforehand, at least as much as I had time to prepare. I made a huge batch of hummus, and a huge batch of crackers. Carrots, apples, oranges, bananas, a few different kinds of nuts. More that I've already forgotten. We were determined not to stop for fast food or spend tons of money at restaurants, so we made good use of some fabulous iPhone apps and located food co-ops, Whole Foods, and other natural food stores along the way. My very favorite app ever is Find Green. It uses GPS to detect your location, then provides a list and a map of all the green or natural businesses in many different categories near your location. We were fortunate enough to find many wonderful co-ops that we would never have found without it. Largely because of this app, we did not eat a bunch of crap like one is prone to do on long road trips, and felt really good and healthy the whole time. Fabulous!

On previous trips (this is our first with the iPhone), we would stop at places with wireless access and use our laptops to try to figure out places to go, and before we had laptops we would stop at public libraries and use their computers. All very tiresome and difficult when it's often hard to even find a library when you're on the road. The iPhone is such an amazing resource for traveling, and now I have no idea how we ever went anywhere before we had it. We used the map function constantly, the camera, posted frequent updates of our journey to Facebook, and several apps which made the whole trip almost easy.

Another app that was invaluable to us was Hotel Pal. We got great rooms for good prices, without driving all over every single night, searching for hotels and inquiring at ten different ones, about to collapse. This app used GPS to track us and find nearby hotels, then sorted them by either distance or location, and gave a map so you could see all your options laid out very clearly. I can't even say how much time and effort and money this saved us. Some rooms we got significantly below list price. We definitely got far better rooms than normal because of it. It's wonderful to be able to approach a city, check the phone and make a plan before you get there. This is such a change from how we used to travel.

Some others that were awesome and a huge help were The Weather Channel, which shows the radar view on TOP of the road map, which meant you could see where you were and where you were going, and what weather you could expect. So helpful--at some points we might not have kept on driving had we not seen the radar map, and felt confident the bad weather was 98% south of us! We used the WHERE app to cross-reference occasionally, as it has a specific tab showing local gas stations and their prices, one for Starbucks in the area, and a yellow pages function. I also have a Whole Foods app and one for Starbucks, but we used them a lot less than WHERE, and only occasionally checked them just to get a different map view.

So. Enough of the iPhone sales pitch! But really, I can't stress how useful it was. It totally paid for itself on this trip.

Another sort of crazy thing we were able to stick to was cloth diapering. It's a silly thing, but my kids have never been in disposable diapers even once, and so it's a challenge I go to absurd lengths to maintain on road trips. Jake and I each did a load of laundry in hotels, which was just not a big deal. I don't know why anyone would think of it as a problem. To combat buildup from other people's fabric softener residue in the machines, we dumped in a bunch of borax and didn't have much problem. We used a small wetbag in the car during the day, then every night in the hotel transfered them to the large wetbag. Very simple.

One area I am perpetually concerned with is my family's toxic load. I am a bit obsessive about minimizing our exposure to chemicals, particularly from sources I have read are most specifically harmful. Hotel rooms pose a challenge in this department. You have really zero control over what you get in a hotel, from the floor coverings to cleaning products to mattresses, all of it. Air quality is frequently disturbing, and I have yet to figure out any way to feel comfortable in hotels, even nice ones that seem clean and inoffensive. There are websites out there that are supposed to help travelers find hotels with eco-friendly practices, such as I Stay Green, Environmentally Friendly Hotels , and Green Hotels, all of which I did not know about till after the trip was over.

Ultimately, I can't say that we maintained ALL our family's standards, but we did better than we ever imagined was possible, simply by having more resources at our disposal. One major breach for us was taking the kids to an indoor McDonald's Play Place to burn off some steam four days into the trip. We drove by it and thought...hmmm. We shared some french fries to justify using their space, and the kids had a great time climbing and feeling free. Not something I would do in my regular life, and they had never been inside a McDonald's until then. But in an effort to embrace reality and recognize that we were having some extraordinary circumstances, we felt very happy to spend $1.99 on some fries for the kids to get out of the car and not have to freeze outside.

So we got to Portland and our next big challenge is finding a place to live. We might be here less than a month, or more than a year, or forever. Contract work is like that, apparently, and we're trying to make the best of it. Next post will be the ongoing saga of finding an apartment with a list of criteria that people think is completely insane and might not actually exist.

2009-12-04T10:29:00.001-08:00

It's been a while since I wrote here. I'm never sure why writing something in this space does not come naturally. Certainly I write a ton elsewhere. Anyway. Maybe today is the day.

Much anxiety today about whether or not my aiming at the good is enough, particularly when it comes to my children's upbringing. Or maybe I mean their education. It's all kind of the same thing. I have friends with kids of similar age--Topaz just turned four and Philip is not quite two--who are very serious about their kids' education already. This is not to say I haven't taken it seriously. I have been reading every education book I possibly have time for, since I was pregnant way back when. I have made plans, I have weighed different approaches. And then our reality is still just a lot of what sometimes feels like nothing.

Am I doing enough? What is really appropriate for them right now? If I should be doing more, what should it be? Are they going to grow up ignorant and stunted because during their formative years I slacked on messy craft projects and didn't take them to museums?

To be perfectly honest, I really think I'm doing everything just fine. But it's impossible for me not to always be on the lookout for someone doing it all better. Or maybe not even better, necessarily, but just MORE.

Our household is a bit crazy sometimes, a bit all over the place. Jake and I have always been spontaneous, get an idea and do it, plan but then follow a shiny distraction. It has worked well enough for us, and we've had many a fun road trip out of it. But sometimes I wonder if our kids suffer from our lack of an official Plan. We're more the sort to say...I had planned X for today, but I really feel like doing Y instead, let's do Y! And we all sort of follow our whims. When I write up a plan and enforce it rigidly, we're all unhappy. So we float around a lot.

This is not to say we have NO rhythm in our home. We do a lot of the same things on a daily basis, and the kids generally know what's expected of them. Bedtime has gotten a lot easier lately, as have mealtimes. But most of the time, I let the kids pursue their interests and play all day. Sometimes they play together, sometimes they do their own things, sometimes they come to me and we all play. In the midst of all this, I do my housework and knitting and stare out the window thinking. They have tremendous freedom, a lovely assortment of stimulating open-ended toys to be creative with, books all over, art supplies, and a big backyard. I don't ask them to sit down so I can teach them something, we don't have regularly scheduled lessons or reading times. It all just happens on its own. If either of them wants a book read, they bring it to me and I oblige. The book will often lead to questions about things, which will often lead to Topaz being caught up on some new subject, which we will pursue in any number of ways, from loading up at the library, to craft projects, to looking up videos on YouTube. But mostly we talk. Certainly no one can ever accuse me of not talking to my kids!

I've gotten a bit of pressure to put the kids in preschool, but in all honesty, I think that's absurd. I'm a stay at home mom. It was a conscious choice, and I am here because I want to be and because I think it's best for the kids. We have chosen to homeschool, but even so, I don't feel like we have any need for a more formal structure than what we have now. My kids have total access to me--and with Jake working from home now, more access to him too--they get a ton of love and attention, they get all their questions answered, they learn a lot by watching me go about my housework all day, and they get out and play with other kids on a regular basis. What more do they need? And more specifically, what more could an preschool program offer that tops that?

And so, yet again I have concluded that while, yes, many other moms with children my age are going over and above and occasionally causing me to question what seems like my "doing nothing," things are going very well over here and it's not an accident. I think a lot of us have a tendency to find the best and brightest blogs on the internet, and declare them to be normal. And to this, I say, please, let's not set ourselves up for failure! I don't spend a lot of time here writing about exciting things we're doing, because I'm too busy doing them. And even when we DO do something really cool, I question my urge to go blog about it because sometimes I feel like I'm simply looking for someone to pat me on the back and say, wow, you're sooo much better at this parenting thing than I am. The truth is, anyone who spends a lot of time fretting over what is best for their children, and then spending time working on it, is probably getting an awful lot right. So I will finish up by encouraging my fellow moms to relax, pay attention to your kids, and stop worrying that every other mom is doing a better job than you. We all have our challenges, we all do our best, and it's not a contest. So. Back to doing nothing.

(As seen on the kitchen wall while I was cooking on Thanksgiving)

A day in the life, lessons learned, and school talk

2009-06-11T17:18:00.000-07:00

This week Topaz has amazed me. For quite a while now, our little girl-who-will-eat-anything morphed into girl-who-will-turn-her-nose-up-at-anything. I've tried every trick to get her to go back to loving broccoli, coerced her into eating fish, everything short of all-out lie to her or hold her nose and shoved food in her mouth. She is a stubborn little lady, and her will does not easily bend. No idea where she got that from. But this week, she has surprised me. I steamed some broccoli and served it to her, expecting the usual exclamations of ICK and NO THANKS. And she ate it. I'll repeat that. SHE ATE IT. And asked for more. And last night. I gave her a bite of salmon, fully expecting total rejection as usual, and she ate bite after bite of it.

Naturally I had to inquire as to the sudden change of taste.

"Well," she says, "I was just taking a BREAK from broccoli and salmon. I like them now." A break. And I realized where she'd gotten that idea and felt rather tickled that I had, out of desperation, finally done the right thing. A month or two ago, I gave up hassling her about food, and told her that when she was really little, she used to LOVE broccoli and salmon, and a whole bunch of other things she doesn't like anymore. I explained that it's okay if she wanted to take a little break from those things and try something different, and I've noticed that four-year-olds tend to start liking those old things again, since they're so close to grown up. (As if I have ever observed any four-year-old ever.) I guess she must have taken it to heart, because lately she is all about being grown up and thinking about turning four.

So there's a lesson here. Maybe a couple of lessons. I think I inadvertently gave Topaz permission to redefine herself, to rethink things and make new choices, and experiment. Maybe it was interesting to her, that she went from a person who DOESN'T like fish, to suddenly! one who does. How exciting! What else can change like that?? Maybe we all need that kind of permission sometimes, to break out of ruts and old habits and think about oneself in a different way.

Philip of course, will eat anything you put in front of him, food or not.

Lots going on over here. Still working on the garden a bit, though slacking off quite a lot. Maybe we'll get some food out of it, maybe not. We'll see. It's nice to look at, though, all those orderly beds lined with rocks...

I've been working for a while on a schedule for me and the kids. Our days are all over the place, and I've wanted to introduce more structure. I think a certain amount of predictability would benefit all of us. It's a work in progress, and we'll see how we do, but I think it's pretty thorough and includes all the things I've wanted to find time for but never did. I've been working hard to designate a place for everything in our house, so now it's time to designate a TIME for everything. So many things get neglected or done in a hurry, and maybe now we'll be more organized and comfortable. Each day of the week is assigned a different chore or two, personal care tasks (one day I examine/trim the kids' nails, for example), activities, outings, etc.

Yesterday was, among other things, baking day. So we looked through our available ingredients, looked through some cookbooks, and decided on a strawberry trifle from one of my favorite French cookbooks. I made a lot of substitutions and left out the spices and liqueurs, so it was terribly inauthentic, but the end result was nice, more like a strawberry shortcake kind of thing.

Today I did a lot of mending and finishing of knitting projects. The little pants Philip wears (several of which Topie used to wear) occasionally wear thin in spots and need to be reinforced or patched. Since I'm relatively new to patching and mending large blocks of worn-out knitting, I started out kind of haphazardly stitching, and have progressed today, to more orderly and precise stitches. So. Very um...well-loved looking. I'm still hoping to get another baby or two in those pants, so they have to last! But it was fun to practice a new skill and challenge myself.

Because Topaz is turning four this fall, we're giving more time to thinking out school. We knew a long time ago that we would homeschool our kids, and to an extent we have been from the beginning. Now, as part of our schedule and time organization, I am planning blocks of time dedicated to instruction of a very informal kind. We like a lot of the education ideas of the Waldorf philosophy, and I'm borrowing a lot from them. Also, some Montessori, and mostly just improvising. I mean, really, she's so young still, and I have never seen compelling evidence that hothousing kids makes them any better at anything. We feel very strongly that our kids should have a good amount of time in their very early childhood to play, explore, pretend, create, and just be kids, with no formal lessons or competitive environment. Each year from here on, I will be adding to our "curriculum" and following the kids' interests to a large extent. When Topaz is six or seven, based on how she's doing, we'll get more serious about things like reading and introducing real math concepts through things like knitting, and building on everything else she's already learned.

Our kids are constantly being taught one thing or another, and our days are filled with drawing and painting and singing and baking (lots of measuring and dexterity practice), and lots of outdoor play, creative play and dress up, cooking at the play kitchen, building with blocks, and just exploring their environment, figuring out how things work. We read to the kids a lot, always have, and go to the library frequently, always bringing home way too many books covering all our respective interests. Right now Topaz is fascinated with Alaska, so we got her a book on that, and she just got a pet rabbit, so we got some books on that, etc. We also answer a lot of her questions by sitting down with the computer and looking up the answers. In my opinion, having all the answers is not the way to go--it's knowing how to GET the answers. This is something I focus on teaching the kids. We're also concerned with their moral education, and we have lengthy discussions, largely led by questions Topie asks, or things we observe with other people, or things we see in movies.

Spraying soapy water on the rose bushes--aphid attack!

Little herbalist--sorting clover flowers from the yard

So, all things considered, our kids are absolutely being intensively educated, but not in a sit down and study kind of way. I'm also planning to make more playdates and possibly sign her up for an activity--she's vacillating between ballet and ice skating lessons. Social interaction is obviously very important, and we're not going to neglect that.

Yesterday we were out for a walk in the park, and it quickly turned into a nature walk. Flowers were picked and closely examined, bugs were stared at, and little snails were picked up and carried. We had the opportunity for a quick discussion about right and wrong, in regards to Topaz wanting to hide the flowers she had picked because she believed she should not have picked them.

And just for fun, when we got home I told her that in France, people eat snails that are much bigger than the ones she met in the park. I pulled out a cookbook and found pictures and recipes for snails, and she thought she would probably not care to try them.

A day of fail.

2009-06-08T16:28:00.000-07:00

At dinner tonight, as I was carrying out three full bowls of pasta, and reflecting on how I would be such a great waitress (aim high, kids!), I got to the table, and suddenly one bowl slipped and dumped parmesan-sprinkled sauce all over my chair and the floor, and splattered on the wall and curtains. I stood there for a moment in stunned silence, trying to convince myself it was just a mess, I clean up messes all day every day. And out of the silence came the word I wanted to say, at the very least, from the little girl voice that never shuts up: CRAP. In that instant, I couldn't be upset, and her exclamation relieved the tension. Yes, little Topaz, crap indeed.

Some disappointments today. That sweet little strawberry one day away from picking? Gone today, probably a nice lunch for one of the many squirrels who skip through the yard every day. The only thing I can think is GRR. And the little summer top I was knitting for Topie? Tried on still on the needles, and TOO SMALL. It would fit her for about thirty seconds. I am slightly heartbroken, as it is such gorgeous yarn and such a cute top. I even did a gauge swatch, which...I am not fond of doing. Now I need to find another little girl to wear it, or stash it away in the hopes that one day we'll have another little girl who will be the right size in the right season.

And we had a lesson today, Topaz and I. last week we observed a man in a TruGreen truck dispensing something on the neighbor's grass. Of course, Topie and I were in an uproar, because chemicals, right? I confess to brainwashing my child against chemical fertilizers and she religiously avoids those little yellow poison flags that flit in the breeze in every other yard on our street. Going for walks is interesting, and she never fails to point out with disdain and confusion that those people have sprayed poison in their grass. So today, we were getting ready to get in the car, and the neighbor was out also. Topaz marched over in her pint-sized attack mode, and demanded to know why she had put chemicals in her grass. The neighbor said she hadn't, and I explained to her (slightly embarrassed, slightly proud) that we had seen the man pushing the little spreader cart the other day. Se assured us, no, it was just lime. And all at once I felt a number of emotions: guilt, embarrassment, and especially stupidity, as I explained to Topaz that lime was like a multivitamin for the grass and wasn't a pesticide or chemical fertilizer like we'd thought. I realized then that I needed to teach my children not to jump to conclusions, not to assume the worst about people, and not to throw around accusations without foundation. I felt humbled, and I felt concern that I was sending Topaz mixed messages. So we've talked about it some, and I will be paying more attention to my casually thrown out judgments. Ask first, shoot later!

Pictures tomorrow.

Weekend stuff

2009-06-07T15:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a good weekend. We've had an interesting variety of activities to keep us all occupied, some productive and some restful. Lots of gardening has happened, and we're a lot closer to done. Jake put up bamboo teepees for the pole beans, planted potatoes in burlap sacks, and prepared more beds. I stuck some plants in the ground and made more plans. Still waiting for some tiny seedlings to grow a bit before planting, and trying to find that bunch of seed packets I lost immediately after they arrived in the mail. No maxibel beans! No melon-I-can't-remember-the-name-of! Oh well. Maybe they'll turn up for next year. As consolation, we have strawberries! Ready to pick very soon.

Probably the bit of our yard that makes me the happiest is the mint patch. It started with a few little plants from the farmers market a summer or two ago, and is very eagerly trying to take over the yard. Some gardeners complain about this, and offer warnings to contain that mint or you'll be sorry! but not me, I want it to spread everywhere. I want my every step to crush a bit of mint and give me that uplifting burst of scent...

The kids roamed the backyard while we were working, finding little hiding places and piles to climb. I've been thinking about ways to make the yard fun for the kids, without spending money. Places for Play Exhibition So inspiring, full of great ideas we want to incorporate into our kids' outdoor space. We're trying to avoid plastic as much as possible, and pretty much all the outdoor toys we've looked at have been plastic. Finally we realized, why buy anything at all? We're creative people, we can come up with something better on our own. So this week, one of my projects will be to work with the kids to assemble materials for free or cheap (hoping craigslist is good to us!) and construct play areas and just let them run wild. This is pretty much the way I spent my own childhood, outside all the time, playing with whatever I could come up with.

During the hotter parts of the day, we left the garden and found indoor projects. A couple of months ago we got it in our heads that we should buy a raw wool fleece and figure out what to do with it. Jake just got me a spinning wheel for Mothers' Day, so it wasn't completely a random thing to do. So we bought a beautiful black and brown Jacob cross fleece, maybe 5 pounds. A lot of online reading helped me get the thing washed and dried, and it's been sitting there waiting for me to actually DO something with it. So this weekend we pulled it out, and while Philip had a nap, Jake, Topaz and I worked together, assembly-line style, with Jake and Topaz carding it and passing bits off to me to spin. We worked quite efficiently and I filled about half a bobbin. And then Philip woke up and of course that was over. But we had lots of fun and enjoyed working together and trying new things. The best part was obviously that we all smelled like sheep at the end of it.

Today I've had that baking urge, and made some oat/flax/blueberry banana muffins. I used this recipe, and they turned out GREAT. Definitely putting this on our list. My goal is to make muffins throughout the week so Jake will have something healthy to take to work, and when the kids and I are out running errands, we'll have muffins instead of being tempted to stop someplace. Also, we still have some frozen blueberries from last summer's picking to use up, and muffins are a good way to do that.

And in my idle moments, I worked on an organic cotton sweater for Philip, but then got bored with it and started a summery top for Topaz. I'm using o-wool, which is organic cotton and wool. She's already told me it's too itchy and she won't wear it, and I've told her she'll wear it and like it. So there.

The weekend is ending with Jake and Topaz playing a rousing game of 20 Questions. I have no idea who is winning.

And now I leave you with a happy image: dirty little baby feet, collapsed after a full day of playing outside. Everything seems as it should.

Growing things

2009-06-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

In upstate New York, seasons are a bit uncertain. One day might be in the 90s, the next night we'll have a frost warning. All this makes life very exciting, especially as we tend not to be overly concerned with checking the forecast. Most of the time we are surprised, either pleasantly or not, by what the day brings. While those around us are making plans according to the anticipated weather, we're winging it. Which is generally how we do most things.

Gardening is challenging when you don't know what to put in the ground when. This generally results in us having a later-than-we-should've garden, along with fears that we won't have one at all. This year has been no different, and there are several seed trays on the back porch, planted on different days, wondering if they'll ever make it to the garden. Some have so far, and we've done some cheating, buying established seedlings from the farmers market. We've put in a lot of hours in the garden, expanding it considerably this year, preparing beds for planting, and making borders out of all the huge rocks that come out of the ground. So far we have many kinds of tomatoes planted, along with some new additions to the herb garden, and okra, zucchini, cucumbers, peas and sunflowers.

Yes, we're behind. But still steadily working and planting more every day. This weekend we might even be done. Still to go are yellow squash, watermelon and pumpkin, butternut squash, green beans, purple beans, broccoli and cauliflower and potatoes... We also have galvanized tubs filled with lettuces and salad mixes, mache, carrots and beets and radishes. With the strawberries and other berries and fruit trees scattered here and there, things are growing everywhere. It's nice to be surrounded by good healthy food.

I've been reading books on gardening for kids lately, and getting all kinds of great ideas. Roots, Shoots, Buckets and Boots is my current favorite. So much fun stuff to get the kids involved and interested. Topaz has helped a lot collecting rocks for the rock borders, but aside from that we're reminding her about the story of the little red hen who found the grains of wheat. Threats that she won't be getting any tomatoes out of the garden make her jump for sure!

By the time we're harvesting pumpkins and squash, Topaz will be just about to turn 4. Philip will be running and who knows what else might be going on. Gardening turns my thoughts to the future, and I find myself measuring the passage of time by the plants.

2009-06-02T13:06:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Yay, a real live blog, finally

It's about time! I've had a livejournal for a long time, but I've never done a public blog, and I'm excited to finally have one. This seems like the time to start one, while the kids are little and there's so much worth documenting, so much I want to remember. Also, since I frequently use my livejournal for ranting and complaining, I'm designating this space to giving the joyful moments of my life a place.

Where we are right now in life...

I'm 29 years old, living in Upstate New York with my husband, Jake, and two kids Topaz (4 in November) and Philip (14 months). We live in suburbia technically, but we're surrounded by farms and open space, and beautiful scenery everywhere. Jake is a computer programmer and does the 9-5 thing, or his personal interpretation of that, which is more often 10-7. We try to live a low-key and healthy life, and we're very much family-oriented. We care about supporting local organic farms and we try to be as green as possible. Our parenting approach tends toward attachment parenting, and we have chosen to clothdiaper, breastfeed, babywear, homeschool, and homebirth. I expect to touch on all those in the course of this blog, as they are all very much a part of our everyday life. We plan to have more kids--Jake says 4 more, I say let's wait and see.

My family are all in Texas, and the only close family we have locally is Jake's mom, who lives a couple of blocks away from us and whom we see frequently. She is moving to Florida within the next couple of months.

I cook a lot, and knit a lot, recently got my first spinning wheel, and spend a huge amount of time with the kids, doing kid things. I love to bake. I'm thrilled to be in farmers market season--gorgeous fresh produce every weekend. It's a wonderful time of year to live in this part of the country, as everything is green and lush and beautiful. I can't imagine ever leaving this area at this time of year.

More to come soon, with pictures!